Cindy, I really felt this. I’ve been in that same place of moving on from someone or saying no to something, and wondering if it might turn out to be the worst decision I’ve ever made. But the truth is, by the time we’ve done that kind of deep contemplating, the decision has already been made—we’re just choosing to honor it.
Sometimes taking a break is the most courageous thing we can do. Either we step away now and maybe return later with clarity, or we risk breaking ourselves and having to pick up the pieces. Listening to yourself and what you need in this season is radical, and it’s a reminder to me as well.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It makes me feel less alone in the things I’m having to let go of right now too, simply because I need something different in this moment. 🙏🏾❤️
ok this gets to go up on my bulletin board of important shit!....yes yes yes we are already there with that deep contemplating. thank you for this reminder
There is never anything backward or regressive about taking care of yourself. The way I avoid regret is to stay in the moment and not project into the future. You are where you are. Honor that.
Oh, if I didn’t loathe the word so much (thanks to a certain person who shall not be named), I’d say: “Man, I really grok this.” What a relief to read, as a person who is supposed to be out writing funny things, but is, at the moment, finding it anything but funny. When I've tried to move forward without regret, it has required a lot of curious "And then's" to distract myself from relentless self-doubt and recrimination. Sometimes it helps? ❤️
I'm with Enzo, I think stepping away is a courageous decision. I think too that when you step away from something or someone you might not normally move away from, it's a little unnerving. I know that for me, I end up worrying that the person or the opportunity might go away forever, that I might be blowing it. But it's a demented and exhausting time and I think people get that, especially the ones who love and respect you. Not to be all self-helpy, but I think honoring yourself and what you need isn't really stepping away from something. It's more that you are stepping towards yourself, you know? I had a therapist a long time ago who I loved, and when I would fret over a decision I had made or needed to make, she would ask, "What do you know, inside?" It sounds so simple but it really made me stop and consider what I felt, what I knew, at the center of myself. So now I can usually tap into a deeper truth when I let myself go there and it sounds to me like that is what you are doing. You give so much of yourself friend, all the time. It makes me so, so happy to think you are giving yourself this gift right now, this extra bit of breathing room. Good for you.
Tough decision, Cindy, but I agree completely with Enzo's comment: "But the truth is, by the time we’ve done that kind of deep contemplating, the decision has already been made—we’re just choosing to honor it." Yes. I love to see you honoring your choice for all the wonderful reasons you listed. And the stage door is always open for you, if you choose to go back. Rest. Restore. Play. Write. Read. Relax. Laugh (go see "Rebel with a Clause" if it comes to your area. A hilarious/touching/uplifting documentary about a woman who went to all 50 states and set up a table for people to ask her grammar questions). There's a scene shot at RJ Julia! https://www.rebelwithaclause.com/
Hi Cindy, I am an introvert too and your post is so relatable. Please try not to spend any more energy second guessing your decision because you made the right choice for you right now. This is a very short break and it will help you come back a better version of yourself. Sometimes we need quiet and you are the only person who can make the call when it happens. It's the healthy choice and I hope you make the most of the time you have claimed. Thinking of you. Liz
Sounds like self-care to me. Recognizing where you are and allowing yourself the grace. Also, no reason you can't attend one of his shows and laugh there. This is a very shitty time in the history of a world that has had many shitty times. I don't know about you, but it's the first one I've lived through. Mom's caregiver's sister is being deported - she ignored the notice for months in fear and confusion. I had to advise her to tell her sister to sell the car for cash immediately, take the first plane back to her country she could and figure things out when she got there. I had to explain that if the government does it, she will not be sent home, she will be sent to prison in a foreign country that is not hers. I had to advise her to move her joint accounts, apartment and car into her name (the coworker is a citizen, her husband is a green card), that if something happens to her husband they may freeze their accounts and her name will mean nothing. They had recently won a low income housing lottery that they can't afford to take, the rent on the low income housing is too high. I was incredibly aware of my privilege. And incredibly ashamed of my country. Find the joy wherever you can. I took a fun and silly online drawing class that reminded me I loved to draw once and I still have a little talent. I also nap a lot because life is exhausting these days. Turning something down to take care of yourself is an act of bravery. Kudos.
An introvert’s introvert, I feel you. You are a master of the ‘fake it until you make it’ school. I’ve been doing it for years, but you do it better I think. I marvel at your willingness to face your fears and put yourself out there in spite of how it affects your psyche. You deserve this break! I love how you are able to seize what you need now. Questioning your decision is completely normal. From where I sit, you don’t need to. This break will heal you. Just sayiń…
I would only complain if you were passing up a show in Vancouver. Otherwise this looks like you did it for all the right reasons. Looking forward to the second book!
Today a friend asked me to join her to hear a writer speak at RJ Julia. I registered for the event taking place later this week and all the while thinking “I wish I was going to see Cindy House”…I get it, nothing is funny. But I’m really looking forward to your return whenever that may be. ❤️
The essay you read in Evanston this last spring is something I think about almost daily. I didn't laugh, I cried and felt less alone in this chaos. Will be sure to make it next spring to hear you again.
I wish I could make you feel how much this means to me and what a comment like this does for writers who spend a lot of time alone questioning the work. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate it more than I can say.
An older brother once told me after I made a decision between two opportunities: "It's nice to have options in life." I didn't fully grasp this at the time, but do now. In spades. You had an option between two pretty great tracks and just because you aren't going to tour doesn't mean you won't continue to write. Stepping away from a known success is scary as hell. That's why most people don't take a break when they should. Good on you. (I suggest upping your breathing exercises, though. Just saying.)
My thought here may be a variation of Enzo's comment: something welled up inside of you, and you listened. Going on stage next wasn't the right activity for you right now. Something else will be. Maybe your 2nd book—which we all want, but no pressure—maybe something else.
Your thoughts about regret made me think about my Friday's Substack. Maybe regret only happens until we fully embrace the next thing.
I hear you on being introverted. It's a big reason why I shy away from group classes in favor of our one-on-ones. They are some of my most rewarding minutes of the week.
Thank you, Jeff. I love "Maybe regret only happens until we fully embrace the next thing." There's that wisdom that makes me love working with you, too.
You made the right decision!! It’s so hard to say no, especially to great opportunities with people we love. I so get it. This past year I’ve been asked to do some super interesting things w/awesome people, but I knew in my gut they weren’t the things I wanted to do right now. Saying no was hard but so glad I did because it gave me the space to work on projects I wanted to concentrate on. Sending a giant hug. :)
I hope it helps you focus on the book. But also—watch the late night comics on YouTube the next day. It’s such a relief to laugh right now. Important for mental health.
I'm more introverted than people suspect. I love to stay home. I have to force myself to call people and make arrangements to get out or I'd be home all the time except for grocery shopping. And as to setting up readings and presentations for my books... oh, man. I did a launch for my most recent book, my novel, and loved doing it, but I didn't set up a single other presentation, which was not a good marketing move. And that was not part of my publicity package, which did include a lot of zoom interviews... which I could do from home. So although I am willing to talk when I'm out and I am pretty good at presentations (I read from my notes as well, and make some comments directly to the audience, and it all seems to satisfy people), I don't just stand there and wing it either. All this to say I hear ya.
Cindy, I really felt this. I’ve been in that same place of moving on from someone or saying no to something, and wondering if it might turn out to be the worst decision I’ve ever made. But the truth is, by the time we’ve done that kind of deep contemplating, the decision has already been made—we’re just choosing to honor it.
Sometimes taking a break is the most courageous thing we can do. Either we step away now and maybe return later with clarity, or we risk breaking ourselves and having to pick up the pieces. Listening to yourself and what you need in this season is radical, and it’s a reminder to me as well.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It makes me feel less alone in the things I’m having to let go of right now too, simply because I need something different in this moment. 🙏🏾❤️
Enzo, this is so helpful and beautiful. Thank you for this.
ok this gets to go up on my bulletin board of important shit!....yes yes yes we are already there with that deep contemplating. thank you for this reminder
There is never anything backward or regressive about taking care of yourself. The way I avoid regret is to stay in the moment and not project into the future. You are where you are. Honor that.
Thank you, Polly.
Oh, if I didn’t loathe the word so much (thanks to a certain person who shall not be named), I’d say: “Man, I really grok this.” What a relief to read, as a person who is supposed to be out writing funny things, but is, at the moment, finding it anything but funny. When I've tried to move forward without regret, it has required a lot of curious "And then's" to distract myself from relentless self-doubt and recrimination. Sometimes it helps? ❤️
Validation from a funny writer! Thank you so much, Alisa.
I'm with Enzo, I think stepping away is a courageous decision. I think too that when you step away from something or someone you might not normally move away from, it's a little unnerving. I know that for me, I end up worrying that the person or the opportunity might go away forever, that I might be blowing it. But it's a demented and exhausting time and I think people get that, especially the ones who love and respect you. Not to be all self-helpy, but I think honoring yourself and what you need isn't really stepping away from something. It's more that you are stepping towards yourself, you know? I had a therapist a long time ago who I loved, and when I would fret over a decision I had made or needed to make, she would ask, "What do you know, inside?" It sounds so simple but it really made me stop and consider what I felt, what I knew, at the center of myself. So now I can usually tap into a deeper truth when I let myself go there and it sounds to me like that is what you are doing. You give so much of yourself friend, all the time. It makes me so, so happy to think you are giving yourself this gift right now, this extra bit of breathing room. Good for you.
Thank you, friend.
Tough decision, Cindy, but I agree completely with Enzo's comment: "But the truth is, by the time we’ve done that kind of deep contemplating, the decision has already been made—we’re just choosing to honor it." Yes. I love to see you honoring your choice for all the wonderful reasons you listed. And the stage door is always open for you, if you choose to go back. Rest. Restore. Play. Write. Read. Relax. Laugh (go see "Rebel with a Clause" if it comes to your area. A hilarious/touching/uplifting documentary about a woman who went to all 50 states and set up a table for people to ask her grammar questions). There's a scene shot at RJ Julia! https://www.rebelwithaclause.com/
Love RJ Julia.
Hi Cindy, I am an introvert too and your post is so relatable. Please try not to spend any more energy second guessing your decision because you made the right choice for you right now. This is a very short break and it will help you come back a better version of yourself. Sometimes we need quiet and you are the only person who can make the call when it happens. It's the healthy choice and I hope you make the most of the time you have claimed. Thinking of you. Liz
Thank you for your words, Liz.
Sounds like self-care to me. Recognizing where you are and allowing yourself the grace. Also, no reason you can't attend one of his shows and laugh there. This is a very shitty time in the history of a world that has had many shitty times. I don't know about you, but it's the first one I've lived through. Mom's caregiver's sister is being deported - she ignored the notice for months in fear and confusion. I had to advise her to tell her sister to sell the car for cash immediately, take the first plane back to her country she could and figure things out when she got there. I had to explain that if the government does it, she will not be sent home, she will be sent to prison in a foreign country that is not hers. I had to advise her to move her joint accounts, apartment and car into her name (the coworker is a citizen, her husband is a green card), that if something happens to her husband they may freeze their accounts and her name will mean nothing. They had recently won a low income housing lottery that they can't afford to take, the rent on the low income housing is too high. I was incredibly aware of my privilege. And incredibly ashamed of my country. Find the joy wherever you can. I took a fun and silly online drawing class that reminded me I loved to draw once and I still have a little talent. I also nap a lot because life is exhausting these days. Turning something down to take care of yourself is an act of bravery. Kudos.
Jodi, I'm so glad they had you to turn to for advice. And yes, it's a lot right now. Thanks so much for sharing.
Ahoy,
An introvert’s introvert, I feel you. You are a master of the ‘fake it until you make it’ school. I’ve been doing it for years, but you do it better I think. I marvel at your willingness to face your fears and put yourself out there in spite of how it affects your psyche. You deserve this break! I love how you are able to seize what you need now. Questioning your decision is completely normal. From where I sit, you don’t need to. This break will heal you. Just sayiń…
I miss you.
I would only complain if you were passing up a show in Vancouver. Otherwise this looks like you did it for all the right reasons. Looking forward to the second book!
Thank you, Thomas.
Today a friend asked me to join her to hear a writer speak at RJ Julia. I registered for the event taking place later this week and all the while thinking “I wish I was going to see Cindy House”…I get it, nothing is funny. But I’m really looking forward to your return whenever that may be. ❤️
Thank you, Stephanie. That means so much to me.
The essay you read in Evanston this last spring is something I think about almost daily. I didn't laugh, I cried and felt less alone in this chaos. Will be sure to make it next spring to hear you again.
I wish I could make you feel how much this means to me and what a comment like this does for writers who spend a lot of time alone questioning the work. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate it more than I can say.
An older brother once told me after I made a decision between two opportunities: "It's nice to have options in life." I didn't fully grasp this at the time, but do now. In spades. You had an option between two pretty great tracks and just because you aren't going to tour doesn't mean you won't continue to write. Stepping away from a known success is scary as hell. That's why most people don't take a break when they should. Good on you. (I suggest upping your breathing exercises, though. Just saying.)
Jane, thank you. This is a great reframing.
My thought here may be a variation of Enzo's comment: something welled up inside of you, and you listened. Going on stage next wasn't the right activity for you right now. Something else will be. Maybe your 2nd book—which we all want, but no pressure—maybe something else.
Your thoughts about regret made me think about my Friday's Substack. Maybe regret only happens until we fully embrace the next thing.
I hear you on being introverted. It's a big reason why I shy away from group classes in favor of our one-on-ones. They are some of my most rewarding minutes of the week.
Thank you, Jeff. I love "Maybe regret only happens until we fully embrace the next thing." There's that wisdom that makes me love working with you, too.
You made the right decision!! It’s so hard to say no, especially to great opportunities with people we love. I so get it. This past year I’ve been asked to do some super interesting things w/awesome people, but I knew in my gut they weren’t the things I wanted to do right now. Saying no was hard but so glad I did because it gave me the space to work on projects I wanted to concentrate on. Sending a giant hug. :)
Thank you commenting. It's so helpful to hear this.
I hope it helps you focus on the book. But also—watch the late night comics on YouTube the next day. It’s such a relief to laugh right now. Important for mental health.
By the way—LJR is Lisa R.
Thank you. Good advice.
I'm more introverted than people suspect. I love to stay home. I have to force myself to call people and make arrangements to get out or I'd be home all the time except for grocery shopping. And as to setting up readings and presentations for my books... oh, man. I did a launch for my most recent book, my novel, and loved doing it, but I didn't set up a single other presentation, which was not a good marketing move. And that was not part of my publicity package, which did include a lot of zoom interviews... which I could do from home. So although I am willing to talk when I'm out and I am pretty good at presentations (I read from my notes as well, and make some comments directly to the audience, and it all seems to satisfy people), I don't just stand there and wing it either. All this to say I hear ya.